They don’t let guilt drive them, rather they spend their time and energy digging deep into a few key family areas that pay off in spades. Strong and happy families have carefully crafted Family Cultures. Unconditional love works for the ultimate, not temporal, good! It’s an act of laziness, and sometimes, even cowardice. Selling everyone short in the long run to instantly gratify your children is not actually an act of love. When you make a hard decision and feel like a bad parent, the bad cop, the one who ruined your child’s life (temporarily) just remember… Making these hard decisions are acts of unconditional love when you are thinking about your family and children’s best interests! But, just like long-term financial planning, investments, and pursuing an education, sometimes you have to put in the hard work first, make tough decisions, and know that i t is for the benefit of your child. Grounding for a month, say, for a severe house rule infraction will likely tick them off for a while. There are some decisions we make as parents that will make our children unhappy for a while. Time Out … and is Time Out Damaging Kids? 3) Unconditional Love is Long Term…Not Short Sighted Oh wait, yes it does mean something though. Remember, just because you don’t look at your children and feel overcome with happiness at every moment of the day does not mean you don’t love them unconditionally. This is especially true if you have fairly disobedient children, you may feel these negative emotions often. This happens because they can make us angry. Just because we get angry doesn’t mean we don’t love them…īeing angry simply means we are humans and our emotions flare up in reaction to our environment. Pouty faces are not then end of the world, and it doesn’t mean that you don’t love them.Ĭhildren, because they are learning stage by stage to exercise their independence, will constantly defy and try and mystify us. Mommy, that’s ok! It’s ok for kids to not be happy with you. Children put little pouty faces on and act like the world is coming to an end when they have to go to bed “before they want to.” They are ticked off they have to eat vegetables. There will be times when your decisions, and the decisions of your children, make everyone downright ticked off. 2) Unconditional Love Does Not Mean Warm & Fuzzy All the Time If we let feelings govern our actions and decisions we’ll end up in a world of hurt because our feelings change like shifting shadows. It’s normal to feel resentful or unloving when you are in this state…ĭo these feelings tell you that you aren’t capable of unconditional love and that you are a bad mother because of it? Quite frankly, you are not working at full capacity when you’re exhausted. If you are exhausted you may feel resentful to your children. Feelings, though very true to us, should not dictate our actions and do not always accurately tell us what is going on. Someone going through a bad breakup’s feelings may say they’ll never love again. A gambler’s feelings may say the next hand will be the big win. Let’s dispel some common myths of unconditional love together.ġ) Unconditional Love is Not Dictated by Feelingsįeelings can be unhelpful, untrue and unproductive… They, therefore, cannot be the deciding factor of our unconditional love.Īn anorexic woman’s feelings may say she is fat though she weighs 85 lbs. In fact, it I totally made them happy at all costs… it would undermine the love I was trying to show them! This does NOT mean that I always let them do what they want. Unconditional love is so much more than giving gifts or hugs…It is an attitude, a way of life, and something that is long-term and far reaching. Love is so much more than making your kids happy… They let feelings of guilt (or the idea that they were somehow inadequate) govern their parenting decisions. To combat this they began spoiling them…or trying to make them happy at all costs. Mothers everywhere began and continue to feel guilty when they have any negative feelings towards their children. That warm, fuzzy, super affectionate feelings everyday (all day towards their children) is unconditional love. Somewhere over the rainbow someone started an unhelpful rumor that led to mothers everywhere believing… Many mothers wonder just exactly what unconditional love is for a child, well, let’s start with what it is NOT and go from there.
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